Puffy Eyes

I'm exhausted, but have to tell this story. More because I just need to get it out, and they best way I know how is by writing it down.

So my niece is spending the night at my mom's house tonight. Ashley loves staying at Gigi's. It makes her sooo happy! She always says, "I wish we could put all hour houses together so we can have a HUGE house so we can all live together!"

Tonight we made almond cookies :) I had Ashley help, because she LOVES to help in the kitchen, and she's pretty good at it! So as we're getting the almonds ready, Ashley says, "Cece, are these California Almonds? I LOVE California almonds, and they lady said on tv that they're the best!" Not knowing the commercial I said "yes" to please the 4 year old. As we took the skins off the almonds, Ashley would say, "these California almonds are busting out of their skin! And some of these are busting on to the floor!! hahahahaha!" I thought it was the cutest thing for her to say "busting" she's SOO my niece :) We had fun making and eating cookies, and lo a behold it was LATE. WAY past her bedtime, so by now she's getting a little cranky pants.

So my sister takes her to get ready for bed. DRAMA occurs, after which I then take over and tell Ashley that I will put her to bed, this of course causes Mayhem and she's balling her eyes out, I mean completely balling. I tell her that I'm sorry, but this is what happens when we don't listen. Needless to say, Ashley still is having a break down, #1 because she doesn't have her "best friend Erin" putting her to sleep and #2 because by this time she is SOO SOO tired.

I finally convince her to go to her room and I'll read her a book, she's still sad Erin isn't putting her to bed, but Erin comes in to say goodnight, and that she loves her. Ashely doesn't understand why Erin isn't putting her to bed, and we explained that it's because of her behavior and now it's late and Erin has to do her homework. Ashley then says, "but I want Erin to still be my friend, why isn't she my friend anymore? Why doesn't anyone want to be my friend?" Perplexed, Erin and I both reassured Ashely that we each love her and are her friend, she says "ok, but no one at school wants to be my friend, I only have one friend at school and the other kids don't like me, why don't they want to by my friend? How come no one at school likes me?"

OMG!!!!! Talk about water in the eyes!!! So (as I'm completely teary eyed again) I spent about 45 minutes explaining friends to Ashley, and that we don't have to have all our friends in one spot. That it's ok to have only one friend at school and the others some other places.

--side note-- I remember crying about not having friends, tho I don't think that cam until 2nd or 3rd grade, NOT when I was 4!!!!!

How do you comfort a 4 year old, who believes her world is not fair, and that she has no friends? I am completely CRUSHED tonight from hearing my little niece say that to me. My heart is crumbled, and my eyes are filled with tears. I love this little girl with ALL my heart and more and I feel SOOOOOO helpless. I want everything for her, happiness, FRIENDS, EVERYTHING. I feel like I'm kinda getting a taste of "a mother's love."

Anyway, my EYES are PUFFY from crying over this and I'm not really sure what else to do. I feel like I sort of got through to Ashley about friends, and I'm hoping she goes to school somewhere different soon so she can be around different kids. (for the record, my mom and I are NOT fans of the school she's at, but she'll hopefully not be there for too much longer AND right now it's the place that 'just works' for all other reasons I won't get into)

So Ashley, if you read this one day, life isn't always easy, nor fair. People come into our lives for more reasons than we'll ever know. It's not about the quantity of friends you have, it's about the quality. The qualities that they have and the ones they bring out in you. I now that I may know a lot of people, but I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm ok with that, because they ones that I have I cherish with all my heart. I want you to know how beautiful you are, inside and out. I want you to know that we all have our trials and moments where we feel like our hopes and dreams have been shattered, but I'm always here for you, and you have a Heavenly Father who watches out for you and loves you dearly. I know that my daddy is looking down on you watching over you as well and hoping the best comes your way every day. Don't let the pebbles in life knock you down, and when you feel like there is a boulder that is too heavy, ask for help, there will always be someone there to help. I love you. <3 Cece